Pfizer says: “Experimental COVID-19 Vaccine is more than 90% effective with no apparent side-effects. The study is continuing, and pfizer cautioned that the protection rate might change as more COVID-19 cases are added to the calculations.”

Dr Anthony Fauci said: “Just extraordinary. not very many people expected it would be as high as that.”

Apparently, Trump who repeatedly suggested during the presidential campaign that a vaccine could be ready by Election Day, of course tweeted: “Stock market up big, vaccine coming soon. Report 90% effective. Such great news!”

Public Citizen, the consumer advocacy group called this “bad science” and said that any enthusiasm over the results “must be tempered” until they are reviewed by the FDA and its independent experts. They added that Crucial information absent from the companies’ announcement is any evidence that the vaccine prevents serious Covid-19 cases or reduces hospitalization and deaths due to the disease.

Heres what I hear:

Please ignore the 10% ineffectiveness with apparent side-effects which we will not mention. And disregard that, we in fact cannot know for sure what the long-term side-effects are, mainly because this hasn’t been on the market long enough. So thank you for being a good Samaritan by letting us experiment on you.

I mean what’s the worst that can happen? No really — we’re wondering this ourselves.

Sincerely yours,

Those who have patented a drug that should belong to The People given its life-saving properties, and for the obvious fact that The People funded this really expensive research and field testing. But in our defense, this is not a naturally occurring substance, but rather a product of human engineering — so we’re allowed to patent and profit; we just won’t be sharing any of the profits with you. You just handle the expense at possibly your own expense. But you’ll benefit from this life-saving vaccine — until you develop some unforeseen side-effect in a few years, maybe. Not to worry however, by then a new superbug is likely to strike, and this time we’ll be just as prepared — as we were this past year — to handle it. Simply ensure your government keeps funding AI and other ground-breaking technologies. Because nothing scares off viruses more than a faster internet connection and self-driving vehicles. So thank you for consuming all the shit we feed you as we work tirelessly trying to defy all of what nature throws our way. Like you, rest assured, we’re trying to figure this shit out.

Legal Disclaimer: We’re not entirely certain of anything we’ve just said. And we’re not responsible for any of it.